Ok so I knew it had been a long time since I was on here for my short stint...and ive wanted to get back here I just haven't really had the chance...but I'm going to make it happen! So much going on...a lot to catch up on. I will space out over a fewposts. I hope this isn't too overbearing I just feel like its an important topic to discuss...it is much to often kept a secret or swept under the rug. Ok..here goes..
In early April 2013 I missed my first period. I was nervous but excited and figured this pregnancy would be a piece of cake. I literally was just pregnant so didn't tell many people. I got my blood work, and went for my first visit with my OBGYN. Everything was spot on. I was scheduled for an early ultrasound since I didn't know exactly the date of my last period. When I went about two weeks later the ultrasound tech told me I was just pregnant and i was too early to see anything. So I paid for a $200 ultrasound with no pics to show my family (which is how I was going to break the news) and was told to come back in two weeks. In that time frame it really hit me and I became extremely excited even though this wasn't planned. Logan was told that there was a baby in my belly in turn he told his school...(oops!) my parents were in Florida and I felt I had to tell them bc I couldn't hold it in anymore. I met up with two of my FAV girls whom I was out with the night I believe we conceived this child....I beat them to the restraunt so I could order a 'mixed drink' (soda) before they got there. When they got there they were questioning my drink...then one of them ordered a ginger ale. I stared her down and she blurted out, "I'm pregnant" I started laughing and said ME TOO! I was soooo excited to share a pregnancy with a friend I had known since kindergarten...I mean how many people can say that let alone have kids to grow up together??? So cool! Fast forward...I was scheduled to go for my ultrasound on a Friday. That prior Tuesday I started to spot. I, for some bizarre reason analyse the toilet paper in which made me notice it was extremely faint, dull spotting. I did panic however. I ran in my office and called the doc...the nurse asked when are you due I was panicking...heart racing..I didn't even have an answer. She said well we are about to close but the dr wants you to come tomorrow for the ultrasound instead. Ok...deep breaths. Rewind a few weeks prior I was in Texas for a biz trip and I got text messages from a random cousin and my sisters coworker in which I went off. Nobody was suppposed to know??? I was too early. And this is MY news! I told my sister and m other to stop blabbing their big mouths! My sister was abit snarky and asked what's the big deal...you are not high risk...your not bleeding, etc. fast fwd to the night before the ultrasound I couldn't stop thinking about these comments. I thought omg all of these people think I am pregnant...what if something does go wrong? I figured i was 30 & healthy so I had that going for me. The next day dragged.. . . . . I finally went around 1pm...she took me right in and understood my concern, I literally felt weak in the knees and nauseous. As she preformed the ultrasound I watched the screen and saw nothing. No baby, no heartbeat. Nothing. An empty sac, I checked out blood work...urine...exam...but there was no baby. I was heartbroken, sad and couldn't believe I had a miscarriage? Or was it a miss carriage bc I never really had a baby in there? My doctor was not in the office that day...I met with another doctor in the practice that was really comforting to me. She hugged me and told me there was nothing I did or could have done to make this different. She told me I had a choice I could get a d&c aka surgery or I could insert a pill in me to pass this pregnancy..if I choose the pill I would need s few days off my feet due to heavy bleeding and extreme cramps. Wait, what? So a miscarriage happens and you have to actually do something afterwards????? I think there are so many misconceptions about miscarriages. It's like the unknown. People don't like to talk about it. But its soooo common! I chose the pill. {all I could really think about was telling Logan there was no baby in my belly...and that really was the worst part} I read about it and figured I had to do this. Would it be different if I had an actual fetus? Most likely. This was mothers day weekend. It was awful. Friday night was the night I picked up the pills. My sister told me a horror story of her friend and since I had been continuously bleeding since Tuesday I began to double guess my decision, I called the dr at 10pm Friday night. after speaking with her I decided to move forward with the pills. The pill bottle read 'for abortions' it was the most awful emotional time. I wish it didn't say that. That's not what it's purpose was. I was supposed to be 9 weeks pregnant and was empty. I inserted the pills around 1030pm and stopped bleeding for 12 hours. My mom came to pick logan up because Pete was working and brought me trashy magazines, junk comfort food and big heating pad, thank god for Ronnie. I had pain pills and used them bc the pain I had felt like what the pill bottle said. Abortion. It felt like I was in labor..contractions and lots of pain. I tried to watch the Cosby show to make me laugh. The following day, mothers day was better than Saturday but def not how I planned spending mothers day. Following the terrible blood flow it decipated about a week later. I had to go for bloodwork for 6 weeks to make sure my levels were dropping...and eventually 0 out. It they didn't I would have to do this night mare again. Thank god I was clear. The doc did tell me when I did get pregnant again,,,we would carry on business as usual......
I promise the rest won't be so sad! Stay tuned
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