Better late than never, right???

Ok so I knew it had been a long time since I was on here for my short stint...and ive wanted to get back here I just haven't really had the chance...but I'm going to make it happen! So much going on...a lot to catch up on. I will space out over a fewposts. I hope this isn't too overbearing I just feel like its an important topic to discuss...it is much to often kept a secret or swept under the rug. Ok..here goes..

In early April 2013 I missed my first period. I was nervous but excited and figured this pregnancy would be a piece of cake. I literally was just pregnant so didn't tell many people. I got my blood work, and went for my first visit with my OBGYN. Everything was spot on. I was scheduled for an early ultrasound since I didn't know exactly the date of my last period. When I went about two weeks later the ultrasound tech told me I was just pregnant and i was too early to see anything. So I paid for a $200 ultrasound with no pics to show my family (which is how I was going to break the news) and was told to come back in two weeks. In that time frame it really hit me and I became extremely excited even though this wasn't planned. Logan was told that there was a baby in my belly in turn he told his school...(oops!) my parents were in Florida and I felt I had to tell them bc I couldn't hold it in anymore. I met up with two of my FAV girls whom I was out with the night I believe we conceived this child....I beat them to the restraunt so I could order a 'mixed drink' (soda) before they got there. When they got there they were questioning my drink...then one of them ordered a ginger ale. I stared her down and she blurted out, "I'm pregnant" I started laughing and said ME TOO! I was soooo excited to share a pregnancy with a friend I had known since kindergarten...I mean how many people can say that let alone have kids to grow up together??? So cool! Fast forward...I was scheduled to go for my ultrasound on a Friday. That prior Tuesday I started to spot. I, for some bizarre reason analyse the toilet paper in which made me notice it was extremely faint, dull spotting. I did panic however. I ran in my office and called the doc...the nurse asked when are you due I was panicking...heart racing..I didn't even have an answer. She said well we are about to close but the dr wants you to come tomorrow for the ultrasound instead. Ok...deep breaths. Rewind a few weeks prior I was in Texas for a biz trip and I got text messages from a random cousin and my sisters coworker in which I went off. Nobody was suppposed to know??? I was too early. And this is MY news! I told my sister and m other to stop blabbing their big mouths! My sister was abit snarky and asked what's the big deal...you are not high risk...your not bleeding, etc. fast fwd to the night before the ultrasound I couldn't stop thinking about these comments. I thought omg all of these people think I am pregnant...what if something does go wrong? I figured i was 30 & healthy so I had that going for me. The next day dragged.. . . . . I finally went around 1pm...she took me right in and understood my concern, I literally felt weak in the knees and nauseous. As she preformed the ultrasound I watched the screen and saw nothing. No baby, no heartbeat. Nothing. An empty sac, I checked out blood work...urine...exam...but there was no baby. I was heartbroken, sad and couldn't believe I had a miscarriage? Or was it a miss carriage bc I never really had a baby in there? My doctor was not in the office that day...I met with another doctor in the practice that was really comforting  to me. She hugged me and told me there was nothing I did or could have done to make this different. She told me I had a choice I could get a d&c aka surgery or I could insert a pill in me to pass this pregnancy..if I choose the pill I would need s few days off my feet due to heavy bleeding and extreme cramps. Wait, what? So a miscarriage happens and you have to actually do something afterwards????? I think there are so many misconceptions about miscarriages. It's like the unknown. People don't like to talk about it. But its soooo common! I chose the pill. {all I could really think about was telling Logan there was no baby in my belly...and that really was the worst part} I read about it and figured I had to do this. Would it be different if I had an actual fetus? Most likely. This was mothers day weekend. It was awful. Friday night was the night I picked up the pills. My sister told me a horror story of her friend and since I had been continuously bleeding since Tuesday I began to double guess my decision, I called the dr at 10pm Friday night. after speaking with her I decided to move forward with the pills. The pill bottle read 'for abortions' it was the most awful emotional time. I wish it didn't say that. That's not what it's purpose was. I was supposed to be 9 weeks pregnant and was empty. I inserted the pills around 1030pm and stopped bleeding for 12 hours. My mom came to pick logan up because Pete was working and brought me trashy magazines, junk comfort food and big heating pad, thank god for Ronnie. I had pain pills and used them bc the pain I had felt like what the pill bottle said. Abortion. It felt like I was in labor..contractions and lots of pain. I tried to watch the Cosby show to make me laugh. The following day, mothers day was better than Saturday but def not how I planned spending mothers day. Following the terrible blood flow it decipated about a week later. I had to go for bloodwork for 6 weeks to make sure my levels were dropping...and eventually 0 out. It they didn't I would have to do this night mare again. Thank god I was clear. The doc did tell me when I did get pregnant again,,,we would carry on business as usual......

I promise the rest won't be so sad! Stay tuned

a heluva week

Last week at this time I was prepping to leave Logan and head to Chicago with Pete from Tuesday morning to Thursday night....all expense paid for for both of us, and for Pete to be in a competition for a total of 45 minutes, if that, total. I had mega mom guilt but knew Logan would be well taken care of by my mom and sister. The thought of the 5 star trump plaza hotel made the mom guilt lessen, slightly ;) ....Sunday I packed his things for school and to stay at my moms...Logan spent time with peters mom and when Pete picked him up he said he felt warm. I was in denial....sent him to bed early with Tylenol...kept him home from school (thank god) on Monday...the dr said it was a virus, by Monday night he had sores in his mouth and I had to put on my big girl pants and cancel my flight. Booooooo! Chicago was on my bucket list & it was such a last minute treat bc it was only two weeks before Pete won the area competion to advance o the next round in Chicago.
Not to mention it was our 4th anniversary on the 27th of sept so we were going to celebrate!

Anyway..Pete got wined & dined for a few days & my little man stayed home with me all week! YES WORLD! I stayed home from work! Can you believe it? I think I missed less time when I gave birth! Ok, Tuesday I stayed away...Wednesday I was there for an hour, thursday I was there from 830 to 1215 with my cranky son who don't want to eat or drink anything....All weekbut milkshakes. Poor thing was starving and in so much pain. He finally feels better...thank god.

For some reason god did not want me in Chicago ths week....I know one thing for sure, my little man needed me!!!!! Definitely took one for the mom team this week. God, please make this week better. Amen.

Name change!

As you can see I haven't blogged in a while! I actually changed the blog name in hopes I would blog more often! That was back in August! I am missing out on sharing so many fun and not so fun stories!

From cars to cupcakes.. Well I grew up in the car biz at my grandpas dealership, answering the phones when I was 6, playing in the cars in the showroom from 18 mo. on...I loved that! My husband is in car sales coincidentally enough! And most of you know I work for my brother who took over my grandpas business @ the body shop. My son loveeessss cars. Obsessed. He knows BMWS Audis it's crazy..he loves going to the body shop and to see all of the broken cars. Sometimes he will be playing with his fleet of matchbox cars and when they crash he says we need to go to the body shop! As we drive by the new BMW dealer on rte 7 he points,'there is my work mommy!!!' I say, ' are you working tonight? Do you want me to drop you off'? He nods in hesitation, sticks up his hand & says not yet mom! Needless to say cars are a big part if my families life (immediate & extended)! CUPCAKES I COULD EAT DAILY! I am obsessed with cupcakes. Ok I love all desserts, who am I foolin'? But cupcakes are my thing! I broke up with Betty Crocker & make them from scratch...they are sooo much better! Ok people...this is why the name change! I think it's a better fit! & hopefully more attractive for me to get involved! Have a great weekend!!!

Saturday morning....

Every day is a rat race. I start to sweat if I am not out of the house at 720am. Pete gets Logan ready for me everyday..this wasn't always true but basically when Logan was a baby I had a minor meltdown and asked politely if he could do that because I simply cannot do it all. I am grateful he helps me, but he is a typical male....i.e. last friday we showed up to school with the sweatpants on inside out. But I am grateful hahah :) Sooooo everyday Logan wakes up right around 6. No.matter.what.time.he.goes.to.bed! Oy! During the week Pete makes him a waffle or something he usually eats within 45 minutes of being up...its just so hectic and rushing here and there.....even after work we rush home to have dinner bath bed...needless to say we love the weekends! Even though daddy works on Saturday...we love our time together! He knows when I don't get in the shower and daddy does...it's saturday( I just shimmied a little bit hahaha) Every Saturday I make him pancakes, he loves this. (definitely try this Alton brown recipe....it's amazing. So amazing that bisquick and I broke up!) Today I made a huge stack of pancakes... And he is playing cars, I said, it's pancake time! He replies with ....just a few minutes I'm playing cars! I said it again a few minutes later and he said not yet, a few minutes! I can't help but laugh and just let him relax in his own domain, because lets be honest, I am not alone with loving Saturdays! A few weeks ago we tried the little gym in Ridgefield @ 10am on Saturday. We also tried a class in danbury @ 9am. Ys, I love both programs. But I will not rush myself or my son if we have the chance to hangout, have pancakes, go to the park etc. it's too much of a commitment right now. When he is older that's one thing. Life is too short to rush on Saturday. So, today it is 920am and my son is still telling me to hold on a minute and I'm going to let him come to the kitchen when he s good & ready!!!!!! Judge away!!! Hahhahaha just for the record, he is not one of those brats that gets away with everything. The question is, how will I ever learn how to make my blog as cute as my other blogger friends!? I have no idea what I am doing !!!!!! Maybe at nap time I will do some research. Have a great weekend!!!!!

one proud mommy

Let's start this out as a vent. I posted this and it erased some how. I.have.no.idea.what.i.am.doing. Ok....vent over. When I was dropping Logan off today @ school, we were doing the usual routine of hanging up his coat putting his backpack in the cubby, getting prepared for the dreaded goodbye and the preschool teacher (who both my nieces have had as a teacher) stopped me and said,

he is so smart!

I immediately thought and said, 'really'? she said

yeh, kids in my class don't know shapes like hexagon, optogon, etc.

as I thanked her for her kind words that made my day I blushed! Thinking about what she said, I would just like to add that Logan loves this iPad game, shapes (don't know if that's the actual name' but I can get the name for you.) It was a free app that turned into me buying the upgrade that was soooo worth it. He loveeees it. PEOPLE, HE WANTED TO PLAY SHAPES INSTEAD OF WATCHING BUBBLE GUPPIES TONIGHT! much worth it! My 2.6 year old son knows purple oval, green star, white rectangle & point out that the shape square is different. Crazyyy! Ok, SO that made my head large marge style. But it did make me one proud mamasita. <3

bananas bananas bananas

A blog?! Am I bananas! I don't have time for pinterest! I have been an avid reader of many of my friends blogs for several years and even ventured out to a few of those popular mom blogs when I was preggo and a brand new mom. Ive always wanted to start a blog. I mean what better way to look back on milestones, memories and stories combined?!i always think of hysterical things that I could write in a blog but I never get it rolling. My BF just asked me last week, when did Logan roll over? I knew around when but not exact dates! I promised I'd be one of those mothers with every date written down, life is too hectic! I stopped myself tonight to slow down, and start this thing...and one little man was my reason why! Logan, 2.5 enjoys when I lay with him in his bed,for about 1.5 minutes and then he says "ok mommy, you go in your own bed". He likes cuddling but then realizes I am in his way from sprawling out and I get the boot! So, tonight he didn't kick me out! We were laying there...and he was still for 2 minutes, I thought for sure he was out cold. I got up and tip toed quietly out of his room and I went to reach for the door handle and he pops up from his bed and says, "HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!" I burst out in laughter that I couldn't hold back! And this is why I start my blog TODAY! I want to look back on stories like these and LAUGH! I hope I can give you a few laughs along the way too, xoxo